She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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