i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize