My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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