Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
