If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
