I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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