On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
