saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
