Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
