ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
