after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Randomize
