last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
