if i can run in heels then i can drive
Betty ford says i'm here all night
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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