yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
