im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
