Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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