for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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