Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
