you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize