If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
