And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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