A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Say something about gay babies.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
