i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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