and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
