I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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