thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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