Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
