Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
