Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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