I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
