Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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