You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
