You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
