I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
