I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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