your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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