Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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