this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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