I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
