I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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