laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Less talking, more tequila
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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