so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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