Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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