I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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