No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
