I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
