I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
