I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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