So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize