Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He passed out mid-signature
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
