Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
