I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
