Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
