bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
