I cut my penus on the lid.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
