Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
