yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
