Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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