I met the friendliest cop last night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
