She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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