It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
