The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize