The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
