the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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