could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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