Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
