The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
