He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize