nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
