I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
That reminds me...we need to get swords
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
