And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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