I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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