One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
