Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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