O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
