I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
