she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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