our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize