I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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