Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize