So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
