Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
