Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
