well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
