The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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