I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
